1. Rent out the white house for parties, barmitzphahs, sweet sixteens.
|I mean… How much would you pay?|
2. Rent those cool-looking stealth bombers for Proms. (you’ll be the talk of the town then, wouldn’t you?)
3. Open up the real Area 51 for tours complete with guides, spaceships, bodies of little green (grey?) men along the way. Of course the big concern there is that we’d have to make sure that people don’t claim a pieces of the alien as memoirs. That and people trying to “abduct” the spacecraft for personal use (ie. joyriding, etc).
4. I can personally pay back the national debt. Just put it on my credit card.
5. With the threat of global warming (or global cooling)(or is it climate change?) we need to be more aware and more disciplined in containing the human race’s footprint on the environment. So what’s the solution you say? Why, we can outlaw methane emissions. Or wait, tax it. There you go, we’d have to attach machinery to every one’s behinds to help to fully quantify the fair tax amount for each and every individual.
That could be the only fair way to do it (as I see it) And speaking of every one’s behinds, let’s not forget the dogs. They seem to emit those lovely aromas as often as I am alone with them in a room with closed windows and doors.
Obama Befriends Rich Elderly Widow In Hopes She’ll Put Nation In Her Will
Here are a few good ones that I found on the interweb:
5. “In an effort to reduce wasteful spending and eliminate non-vital federal services, the U.S. government announced plans this week to cut its long-standing senator program, a move it says will help save more than $300 billion each year.”
|Well, at least somebody wins.|
4. You think that one of the problems is that these banks end up being monopolies. What’s wrong with a monopoly? I mean…it’s fun to play and, yes, some people end up driving around in an old shoe. But, still somebody wins.” — Stephen Colbert
3. “The White House announced an emergency economic plan today trading the national gold reserves for cash through Cash4Gold.com…The cash received from the received from the Cash4Gold.com plan is going to be supplemented by funding from the selling of White House furniture on Craigslist.org”
2. “Congress is getting ready to pass another job bill, which means they don’t create any jobs, we just get the bill.” — Jay Leno
1. “U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National Debt… Representatives on both sides of the aisle said the plan was the best option left for lowering our debt after ideas like burning down the country for the insurance money and disguising the country as Canada were deemed infeasible.”
UPDATE: Comically, I just found out that methane gas was/is feared to be a major contributor to global warming/cooling/climate change thing. An article here. Another one here. And a funny one here.